Decode
by aliensister
Summary: Just a little song ficlet. Zan betrays Ava as she watches, her heart breaking but she continues to love him.


Title: Decoded

Author: aliensister aka lidda_anne

Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell, The Dupes or the song Decode by Paramore… I am just borrowing so please, don't sue.

Pairings: Zan/Ava

Rating: Mature, a very, very tame mature.

Summary: Just a little song ficlet. Zan betrays Ava as she watches, her heart breaking but she continues to love him.

AN: Wasn't sure if this was the right place for this fic but it didn't seem UC to me but I wasn't sure so I placed it here. If it's in the wrong place, feel free to correct me :D

_How can I decide what's right?_

_When you're clouding up my mind_

_I can't win your losing fight_

_All the time_

Ava watched, concealed behind the dumpster in the dark alley behind some dive dance club, watched as the man she had promised her heart and her life too, in two life times; drive himself into oblivion through some name less whore. Her legs wrapped around his jean clad hips, head thrown back against the brick wall, panting and moaning like a bitch in heat. Ava's blood boiled and her fingers clenched tightly onto the cold blue painted metal as she stared at the gaping mouth and blessed out expression on the slut's face. Ava hated her, more then she had ever hated anyone in her life, more then Khivar for taking her first life, more then Lonnie for allowing him to do, she hated this woman.

_Nor could I ever own what's mine_

_When you're always taking sides_

_But you won't take my pride_

_No, not this time_

_Not this time_

She wanted to pull her to the ground, to punch her pretty face in; she wanted to smear her nose across her face. She wanted to hurt her until she stopped breathing, stopped breathing out her, [b]her[/b] husband's name. Ava wanted to hurt her till she stopped hurting Ava. She could hear him groaning and growling into that bitch's neck and Ava knew he was close, her own breath laboured to try and stave off the tears that burned behind her eyes.

_How did we get here?_

_When I used to know you so well?_

_How did we get here?_

_Well, I think I know_

He promised to love her till the end of time, promised that he would love no one else. Ava's eyes stung and she bit down on her bottom lip, hard, so his sensitive hearing wouldn't hear her painful sobs. She'd known, known for so long that it was going on but she needed to see it. Now, she wished she'd stayed wondering, his hips gave one last hard thrust and he groaned, lowering the slut's legs to the ground.

_The truth is hiding in your eyes_

_And it's hanging on your tongue_

_Just boiling in my blood_

_But you think that I can't see_

The whore stumbled off, tugging her mini skirt back into place and pulling her back down over her breasts, her hair was messed beyond repair and Ava glared at her, even as she felt the warm trails of salty tears start to slid down her cheeks. "You's gonna stay behind dat dumpster all night, Aves?" Zan's voice called from the brick wall, he was now leaning with his back against as he refastened himself into his jeans. Rising up from her crouching position, walking out of the shadows and out into the light cast by a street lamp from down the end of the alleyway, Ava wrapped her arms around her body, trying to comfort herself. He had known she there the whole time, Ava knew by the way he wouldn't look up from the ground to look her in the eye and how angry his face looked.

_What kind of man that you are_

_If you're a man at all_

_Well, I will figure this one out_

_On my own_

"Why you gotta do dat?" Zan asked furiously and Ava fought the urge to swing at him, he betrayed her and he got mad at [b]her?[/b] She sobbed and quickly raised a hand to muffle it. She heard the muffled sound of his head hitting the wall behind him and heard him swear. "Aves…" His voice pleaded, he hated it when she cried, he used to do anything to make her stop, take her in his arms and whisper sweet words of love into her ear while he stroked her hair.

_(I'm screaming, I love you so)_

_On my own_

_(But my thoughts you can't decode)_

He didn't do that anymore, didn't tell her he loved; all he ever did was make her cry. "I's wish I'd neva met you's, I's wish I'd neva went to dat fuckin' party!" Ava said calmly, raising her eyes to his face, full of a hatred bred from love.

_How did we get here?_

_When I used to know you so well?_

_How did we get here?_

_Well, I think I know_

Zan winced, looking like she had thrown a physical blow on him. He tried to close the distance between them with his large strides but Ava was faster, stumbling backwards. "Don't say dat, Aves." He said caught between begging and commanding.

_Don't you see what we've done?_

_We're going to make such fools of ourselves_

_Don't you see what we've done?_

_We're going to make such fools of ourselves_

Her hands shot out in front of her, and she shook her head furiously, pleading with him not to come closer, he always messed with her head when he was too close. How could she walk away when she loved him so much? "Why ain't I enuf fo' yo'?" Ava cried, not seeing that Zan was too "It aint like dat, Ava." He said and she glared at him.

_How did we get here?_

_When I used to know you so well?_

_How did we get here?_

_When I used to know you so well?_

Zan shrugged helplessly and Ava made a frustrated scream, breathing hard. "What do you want me ta say?" He demanded, pacing in front of her and it was Ava's turn to shrug, she didn't want him to say anything, she wanted him not to do it, she wanted him to love her like he used to. He growled at her, turning on his heel and walking away from her, every muscle in his body tense with pain and anger.

_I think I know_

_I think I know_

_There is something I see in you_

_I might kill me, I want it to be true_

He paused just before he entered the shadows, breathing hard. "I'm sorry Aves…but I'm not him," but Ava knew he was wrong because Zan of this life did not apologise, that was something her husband done and only to her. It was the reason she would go back home to the sewers tonight and why she would put up with Lonnie and Rath's bullying, because though they were few and far between, Ava could since glimpses of the man she married. The man she loved to this day, she would follow him to the ends of the universe and back, again, he may not love her but she still loved him.

_The End_


End file.
